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    我的思念没有你


     

    朋友打电话来,言语中略显责备。因我回来快一个月了却一直没有同他联系。我无解释,实在是没什么借口。只是因为懒,懒得联系,懒得联系之后的碰面,聚会,散场,既而各走各路各做各事。这一切我曾经为之欢喜,以之为骄傲的事,现在却都厌倦了。

    然而就在去年的清明,我还写字给高中时的班主任。诉说对旧日时光的眷恋,对一些情感流失的悲痛。我说只有我站在原地留守记忆,现在看来我也不是守着的那个人。曾经以为一辈子都会牵挂的人开始不再想念。当初的牵挂是真的,而现在的疏忽也是真的,原来分别可以如此安静安然。

    从憎恶自己的嬗变,到嗤笑书写的信誓旦旦,一切扭转的太快,有我不敢确定的真实。只是如果你现在转身离开,我不会再有任何怨言。

    “时光他带走了光阴的故事,改变了我们”真的改变了吗?是的,真的改变了。我们都太容易变化,不仅仅只是因为时间。当我们发现我们置身的世界是一个多变的匣子,我们就开始变化着不同的姿势,以求填充每个角落,不至于让自己身心晃荡不得安定。急切却不得要领,小心翼翼却仍然会冲撞到别人碰伤了自己。如此处心积虑又怎么再会是旧时的摸样,难怪会有遗忘,遗忘今日思念我的你,以遗忘昨日思念你的我。

    所以当A跟我说她和B现在只是点头之交时,我并无惊讶,那些聪明的人,早已清楚的分辨出过了的叫“过去”,将要来的叫“将来”。而我又怎可再用自己的混沌去否定别人的决绝,何况我也正在从混沌中逐渐清醒。

    错不在你,也不在我,不在去年清明时节的细雨,更不在今日高玄的艳阳,人情就如气候一样无法掌握,而小心如我们。又怎么会用最后的勇气去预测一个无所喜无所痛的结局,何况更多时候我们已经不再需要什么结局了。

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    TOM zhangwrote:
    第一次来,不错的空间,很高兴来这做客,祝你有个愉快的周三,再见
    Aug. 30

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